I woke up this morning and felt amazing. I got up at 5:00 for Yoga and am full of energy right now. Having a really bad day like yesterday makes me really appreciate days like today. If every week after my injection I have a bad day or semi bad day, I will lose 52 days per year (almost two months) to the side effects of this drug. What if it is all for nothing. What if my injections and efforts don’t work and I get worse. Do I really believe that I am going to get better rather than worse?
I do believe. I believe that I will get better the way I believed in Santa, the man as a child and the way I believe in Santa, the magic as an adult. I believe with my very core, and with all my heart and soul. I remember being so excited on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa. So excited that I couldn’t sleep. My sister and I would pretend to sleep but really be up giggling in wonder at what we would awake to on Christmas Day.
Then I got to be the magic of Santa and experience the wonder again through my daughter. I know she may not fully believe anymore but she doesn’t let me know. She still has hope and wonder for Christmas morning and so do I. My mom thinks she is Santa and every year is determined to make everyone remember how they felt when they really believed. She believes and I am so grateful for that. So grateful that she cares enough to give us all hope and wonder.
I got to thinking about how strong my belief system is and how it has always affected my life from an entry in “Simple Abundance” by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Some of my friends and family ready this book daily and it is a great way to start or end the day. If you put the book away and forgot about it (Mom? Anne?) take it out and start again. The title of the entry is “Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus” and says the following…
“Nearly a hundred Christmases have come and gone since Virginia asked for the truth, but what’s Real and what’s not hasn’t changed. Children of all ages have a deep desire to believe in a great, benevolent, and generous gift giver who rewards the good. Christmas allows the child slumbering in each of our souls the chance to be reborn every year, awakening a sense of joy and wonder that even eleven months of doubt, derision, or discouragement can’t snuff out. All that’s required of us is that we believe.
Believe in what? Believe in whatever means the most to you at this moment. That Love makes it possible to believe in all things, especially miracles. That this is the season of miracles. That there’s a miracle with your name on it. That when you wish upon a star, grace steps in to bridge the gaps until your dreams come true. That there is a Santa Claus and you have been very, very good this year.”
I love so many things about these thoughts. I especially love knowing that while I am wishing and believing and working hard to fulfill my beliefs and wishes that “grace steps in to bridge the gaps”.
I believe! I believe! I believe!
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