When I was first diagnosed with MS, the only plus I could find is that I now had permission for guilt free naps. I pictured myself coming home from work in the early afternoon, taking an hour nap and then getting back to work and the rest of my day. My employer gave me permission, my doctor recommended napping if needed and I embraced the idea. That being said, I have yet to get into any kind of napping routine or even taken a real nap since my diagnosis.
Why don’t I nap? There are two reasons that I can come up with. The first is that I was busy before I was diagnosed with MS and while in some ways, I have slowed down a bit for the most part, I got busier. I have MS appointments and meetings and research and letter writing and thinking. My mind works overtime trying to solve the MS mystery. MS is a part time job with sucky pay and few benefits. So while I thought MS would free up my time, it has actually started to be time consuming.
The other reason I can’t seem to nap is that every time I have time to nap, I get so excited that I have extra time that I want to use it to catch up on work, or read a magazine or watch a recorded version of American Idol. The few times that I actually try to take a nap I just lay there and think about all the things I could be doing and what a loser I am for laying there not doing anything. I am not working or reading or watching or EVEN NAPPING.
I am typically either in Run or Sleep mode although I do occasionally rest. I rest my body when I am reading and I rest my mind when I am practicing Yoga. My days are usually enjoyable but I am going (like everyone) in many directions each day. I have my normal busyness and then things always happen to make the day busier. Here are a few of my days this past week:
5:00 a.m. – Private Yoga Lesson
6:30 a.m. – Reply to a few work emails and get ready to go to work.
7:30 a.m. – Load up the dog stuff, the kid stuff and the work stuff and head out.
7:50 a.m. – Drop the dog off.
8:05 a.m. – Drop the girl off at school
8:15 a.m. – Get into the office
3:00 p.m. – Pick up girl
3:15 p.m. – Pick up dog
3:45 p.m. – Get home, pick up, turn on computer and start working again.
(also make sure Bailey is doing homework and practicing Violin)
4:00 p.m. – working and thinking about what I haven’t planned to make for dinner.
5:30 p.m. – Bailey says she has a stomach ache and doesn’t feel well and I half believe her.
6:00 p.m.. – Mark gets home
6:15 p.m – Dad stops over to talk about cool financial opportunity and I put frozen chicken
stuffed with cheese and broccoli in oven for Mark. I’m not hungry and Bailey is too sick to eat. (now I start to believe her)
6:45 p.m. – Dinner is ready and Bailey throws up downstairs.
6:50 p.m. – Mark Eats, Dad leaves and I hold Bailey’s hair while she throws up some more.
7:30 p.m. – Clean up a bit and get ready for Tuesday sales meeting
8:00 p.m. – Turn on TV, nothings on, Bailey pukes again.
8:30 p.m. – More Vomit – start to worry that Bailey will be up all night sick and will get dehydrated and need to go to the doctor.
9:00 p.m. – Go to bed with Bailey. Thought I would wait until she fell asleep and then I would go to bed.
9:30, 10:15, 11:30, 12:30, 1:15, 2:30, 3:15 and 4:00 a.m. – help bailey throw up and clean up. She sleeps in between throwing up, I do not.
6:00 a.m. – wake up shaking after two hours of sleep and hope that Bailey will sleep until noon.
6:30 a.m. – call Sales Director in Florida to review proposal for 11:00 a.m. appointment and decline to attend sales meeting and get ready to go back to bed.
6:31 a.m. – Mark leaves for work and Bailey wakes up because she can’t sleep.
7:00 a.m. – Bailey watches TV and I lay down to “take a nap”.
7:45 a.m. – Phone rings – another Sales rep has the flu and wants me to let everyone know that she won’t be at sales meeting. (like I care at this point)
8:00 a.m. – Shower, get ready for work.
9:00 a.m. – Get Bailey and her bowl in the car and go to the grocery store, pick up soup and Popsicles and drop her off at my Mom’s
10:15 a.m. – Get to office, check email, return phone calls, get materials for appointment
11:00 a.m. – Have great sales presentation to new client while I am half asleep.
12:15 p.m. – Get back to office, check email and leave.
1:00 p.m. – Drop off film at lab for photography class Wednesday night
1:45 p.m.- Pick up Bailey, thank God that she is feeling better and go home.
2:00 p.m. – Get home, get Bailey comfortable on the couch, let the dog out and think about napping.
2:30p.m. – Address some work issues and start drinking extra water and dread shot night.
5:30 p.m.– Give myself a shot of Avonex and start dinner.
6:00 p.m.– Eat Belgian Waffles and wait to see if family can tell that I used Soy Milk in the recipe.
7:00 p.m.– Watch American Idol
8:00 p.m.– Put Bailey to Bed, Go to bed.
12:00 – a.m. – Wake up feeling crappy
12:30-6:00 a.m. – sleep off and on and stay really still so I don’t have to feel the enormous avonex headache.
7:30 a.m. – load up the car, drop off the dog, drop off Bailey, get to work, smile and sell.
3:00 p.m. – pick up Bailey
3:45 pm. – drop Bailey at Violin lessons
4:00 – pick up dog
4:15 – pick up Bailey
4:45 – Drop Bailey off at Mark’s work
5:00 – get home, look at Slides for photo class
5:30 – feed dog
6:00 – leave for photography class
9:00 – get home, tuck bailey in, kiss Mark and go to bed
4:45 a.m. – wake up, shower and get ready for the day
5:45 a.m. – leave to take Bailey to P.T. (for knee issue)
7:30 a.m. – get home, pick up dog, load up the car and start again
That was probably too much info but I guess I understand why there isn’t a lot of napping going on now.
It’s no wonder after a few days of this that I feel a bit tired, ok, really tired and dizzy and shaky and weak. Now I wonder, is this MS or a normal reaction to a crazy week. Granted every week does not include a sick child but all weeks include a lot of running around and trying to be great at everything. Again….I think this is the norm for most people.
So, short of moving to Mexico and selling jewelery and fake tattoos on the resort beaches, how do I slow down? Do I need to slow down or just condition myself to keep up better?
For now, I will do what I do until I have a better solution. It’s Saturday so I can rest a bit. I went to a Vegan cooking class this afternoon and am going to try out some fun recipes. I also got the kitchen pantry cleaned out so I feel more relaxed. Tomorrow – maybe my closet and a few drawers!